Things I Know for Sure: 5 Things My 50-Year-Old Self Would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self
1. The World Needs People JUST LIKE YOU
When I was younger, I used to wish that I was quieter, more demure, more… well, tactful. You see, I have this habit of saying EXACTLY what I think, even if it’s not in the best language, at the best time, in the most rational way. A polite person might label me “outgoing,” “strong,” and/or “determined.”
The reality is, I just get shit off my chest. That’s ME. That’s who I am. I can’t help it.
I have two sisters; one is the exact opposite. Oh, she’s not meek, not by any stretch of the imagination, but it takes a lot to get under her skin. But once you do …. well, you’ve been warned.
Now I know the world needs people like both of us. The creator (whoever or whatever you believe him/her to be) made this quilt of humans because we’re all needed to keep this world balanced.
The lesson: Stop trying to “be like” someone else. You are exactly who you’re supposed to be. Embrace that.
2. You May Never Get the Love You Want
The older I get the more I realize, this thing we call “romantic love” that we all (ok, most of us) fervently desire, may not happen.
I haven’t been in a serious relationship in almost a decade. And I’m a being in love kind of girl. I adore being in a relationship. But you know what, in spite of missing having a special someone, I have a solid circle of good friends — most of these relationships span more than two decades; and a “ride or die for me” kind of family.
I feel loved all the time and I’ve accepted that I may never find “the one” and might indeed spend the rest of my life single. And I’m fine with that.
The lesson: Love comes in all forms; embrace and be grateful for the love you have.
3. You’re Never Really Alone
Piggybacking on the last point, I believe the reason so many are in unhappy relationships is because they’re afraid of being alone. To explain, I watch a lot of reality TV (don’t you dare judge me — it’s addictive dammit!).
Some of the things that women in particular put up with on these shows make me happy to be single. On one show, the woman married a guy who cheated on her with a stripper at his bachelor party two days before the wedding! And, she saw four girls grinding and dry-humping him the night before the wedding (his bachelor party went on for a couple of days).
And get this, after all that, he didn’t even have the decency to show up on time to the wedding! She was leaving the venue, tears in eyes, when he finally rolls up and apologizes.
Yet, she STILL went through with the wedding, saying she was “marrying the man of her dreams.”
Now normally I’m not one to judge, but I was like, “What the f**k?!” In which barrel bottom did you leave your self esteem?
I’m lucky; I’ve always enjoyed my own company. In fact, I need time alone; it’s the Aquarian in me.
Even when I’m in a relationship, I don’t like for anybody to be under me all the time. Go. Do your own thing. Have a boys night out; go on a weekend trip with the fellas; bury yourself in that man cave for a few hours.
I’ll be taking my long run; having brunch with my crew; and catching that all-day Law & Order: SVU marathon guilt free.
I’d truly rather be alone than in a bad relationship. Been there. Done that. It’s not worth the stress — and I always have complete control over the remote! :) Not such a bad trade-off, huh?
The lesson: If you learn to love yourself, you’re never really alone.
4. Love is Not Hard
Continuing with the love thing, we’ve — especially women — been fed this myth that love is supposed to be hard. I’ve always believed the opposite; that it should be crazy easy.
And I don’t mean that there aren’t problems and that you should be cheesing back all day and all living in kumbaya land with your significant other. No. What I mean is, if you select someone who has your same morals, values, dreams for the future and enough common shared interests, the grind of constant fighting is much more likely to be kept to a minimum.
And it’s because if you’re the kind of man or woman who doesn’t put up with certain crap (eg, cheating, physical or verbal abuse, lying, fiscal irresponsibility, etc.), then you can get right to negotiating those little things like who does the dishes, who grocery shops, and who cleans what and when.
The lesson: A good relationship is not supposed to be difficult. In fact, it should be relatively easy.
5. Getting Old is a Gift
I turned 50 this year. I’ve outlived both my parents. My mom died at 45 from breast cancer. My dad died at 47. Their deaths were a gift. “A gift?” you might be thinking, “that’s a strange way to put it.”
To explain, I was 23 when my mom died, and 24 when my father passed away the very next year (almost a year to do the day of my mom’s death). It made me realize very early in life how precious life is — and to live life on my own terms.
I’m a freelance writer; have been since 1993; full-time since 2007. One of the reasons I had no fear of taking the non-traditional road professionally is because I realized just how short our time on this earth is. I also rarely waste time on regrets. Yeah, I’ve done some crap I wish I could go back and do over. But spending time in the past is not something I do a lot of.
I’m sentimental and I cherish old memories and traditions, but I don’t waste a lot of time on the what ifs or what may have been.
If anything, I rush headlong into the future because I feel like I’m running out of time. That’s why I always have a list full of things I’m looking forward to doing/achieving. This leaves little time for regrets, hemming and hawing, and wishing and waiting. I’m a doer — because life waits for no one.
My parents deaths at such young ages gave me this gift. Getting older has reinforced it.
The lesson: Embrace every birthday and live life to the fullest; many don’t get the gift of longevity.
Conclusion
If I was gonna be Oprah-esque about it, I guess you could call this my “Things I know for sure” list. There are more. These just rolled off the top of my head — and I have some writing I need to take care of.
What are some things you know for sure? Share below. I’m curious to know. And, see that little ❤ button? You can click it to share this. I’d be ever so grateful. One more thing …
Need Content?
I specialize in online (SEO) content and have written on everything from how to make wire jewelry to arctic drilling equipment — really! But I love to write on real estate (mortgages, foreclosure), personal finance (debt, credit, saving for retirement), and lifestyle topics. Get in touch with your needs.
